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profile Kang Tai 29 Oct 1986 Scorpio Ultimate Procrastinator Cat Lover Lousy Singer Hunk Wannabe
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Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Time Time may be nothing more than just a destructive factor which has conveniently assimilated itself into our lives. People age and die, structures erode and and potentially decay with each passing day. It effectively pulls people apart and blurs our shared memories should we spend less time with them. Effort is the antidote to curb time's onslaught. With more effort, we can keep our loved ones close to our hearts should they leave this world one day. We can find the strength to hold on to our family and friends and it repairs our memories with coats of fresh paint so that they will always be crystal clear. How many, though, can make that effort? 2012 年了，也就是说所有经历过的喜怒哀乐，可能都已经远远的抛到脑后了。 也不知道为什么，一向来意志力薄弱的我，突然心血来潮想要revive this blog. 3年了，视力和听觉也不好了，人也老了，见过的事与物也该不少了。 总认为分隔了那么久的时间，总也要带着少许的开朗与热诚把2012年的第一份blog炒热起来，反正万一有一天真的患了老人痴呆，那至少在某一个网站还残留着我的记忆。 好吧！那么现在就开始来个记忆扫描，想想看这3年里到底发生了什么事吧。 2009年的我，emo到好可怕。我就带点联邦腔来形容吧：也几够力一下！ 有时看了看2009年的我，再跟现在的我做个比较，其实也没差吧。 2010年 阿嬤过世了。其实每个人都已经做好了心理准备。自从她跌倒入院，然后开了刀，再加上已经患了老人痴呆症，整个人似乎都变了。最后变行动不便的她，只能靠着轮椅出入房间。一向来怕死的她，也时不时就担心几时会上西天。 那么，毕竟只能靠轮椅行动，所以排便就只能在客厅里的便利马桶。之前请过的女佣，最怕的就是帮她倒便便。我还记得第三个女佣因为怕倒便便而离家出走。哈哈，也够荒唐的。 所以来来去去的女佣，见证过阿嬤的便便神功后也只好甘拜下风。不知不觉地就换了第五个女佣，她，也是照顾阿嬤的最后一个女佣。Yati 就有一副慈祥妈妈的脸，虽然做事情总是比较笨拙，缓慢而常常的被家人骂，但是她却毫无怨言并且无微不至地在看护着阿嬤，也陪阿嬤度过了她最后的一刻。 到了阿嬤过世之前的一个月，姑姑知道阿嬤剩下的时间也不多了，才不断的叮咛着我和妹妹，如果有时间就要去医院多陪她，不然真的想要尽孙子和孙女的本分时，可能就已经太迟了。我也因为担心阿嬤与死神的搏斗可能真的会告一段落，就花了一晚在ICU陪阿嬤聊天，喂她吃东西，像哄小孩子一般的心情和她撒娇，开玩笑。之前，我好像没做过这种事。 2010年10月10号， 我记得是星期天下午，因为准备龙舟比赛所以把电话寄放在柜子里然后去练习。练习结束后才发现有好几通未接电话。打开妹妹发的简讯时才知道阿嬤已经走了。 一个和你共度24年的亲人，小学时期会从早上5点到6点，每隔5分钟喊破喉咙的叫你起床，然后准备一碗不熟的面给你吃，因为调皮而被捏脸颊，因为看到你吃东西而跟你讨食物，不然就一直吵着要吃猪肝面线，咖喱角。发生过的事无论有多深刻，也逐渐变成了一个随时可能会被时间磨掉记忆。 珍惜-是要失去了才会理解的 我发现到了，其实某件事或物，一定要从自己的身上被夺走，还是消失后才懂得什么是失去，才懂得痛，才懂得反省，后悔。 常常把爱挂在嘴边，其实也不算是爱，反而是糟蹋了爱所包含的真正意义。 2011年 当时我觉得我没办法维持我和他的感情。可能就是因为太久了，所以凡事都take for granted。可能也就觉得口香糖已经没有味道了，该换换口味了。所以那一天晚上，就和一个恶心又卑鄙的陌生人“舌吻”，虽然我背叛了他，但是在那个时刻我是处于在不知道是好是坏的心情去面对一切。详细内容不说也罢了，但是因为一时的贪玩和欲望，再加上彼此看不到美好未来的心态才决定放弃一切，想要从新开始。 回顾一下2007年初次见面的那一刻，彼此的个性真的是天壤之别。狗-猫，台-新，认真-任性，成熟-幼稚，邓丽君-lady gaga。。。 若要把这些差别一一说出来，真的是没天没夜。但最奇妙的是，我们俩竟然能抛开自己的想法,维持了将近5年的感情。太了解对方了，太可怕地坠入爱河了。 也不知道太过依赖他是否是一件好事，但是自己就是情不自禁，没办法放下。 他付出的心血，可能只有当事人才会知道。但因为太爱一个人，所以往往不把自己的付出当成是一回事，还低估了自己爱一个人的实力。 “不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有”最符合他的心态。但是一旦另一半被他的爱压的快喘不过气的时候，可能就会无意中造成了伤害。 我其实会那么去想：我没本事去好好爱一个人，因为我也会觉得相比之下，我的付出是微不足道的。 可能就是没办法站在他的立场认同他所做的事，所以就自卑了起来，关上了心灵之窗。 现在我反而看开了。爱情的定义，是不可能有对错的，因为只有当局者才能够理解自己的心情。虽然那一晚的风波终于平静了，但是还是要提醒自己，爱情不是一盒巧克力，它是一盒参杂不同口味的糖果，有甜的，酸的，苦的。吃到甜的当然没事，但是选到其他口味的时候，是否要把它吐出来，或面带着笑容，慢慢去品尝。酸的苦的毕竟也是爱情的味道之一。
I'm the only one wide awake while the rest became the sleeping dead. Trying to make each sentence rhyme, yet not sure of the reason why. I'm just trying to avoid more problems and let each day pass by. Music is now paying a visit to my head, but there's no one home. Where has my mind gone at this hour instead of staying in its cozy dome? I need time but she has abandoned me, While a mist slowly forms over her figure till I can no longer see. Stuck in the past and not moving on. I tried my best to go forward but i got scorned. Family and friends lend a helping hand without realising that their hands are clad with thorns. I had no choice but to injure myself while holding on. Maybe I just need a hug, no comforting words at all, no sound. Just the action perhaps, to calm me down. To yearn for such things is slowly turning into a sin, For it might better to act strong instead of creating a din. I'm not an exhibitionist, showing how I feel to get some attention. Just want to confide, scream and let it out of the system. Do you know when does my tiredness show? But to those who know ,what do you really know?
Went to Batam with NTU gang,  then Genting with Gold Kili colleagues,  paintball the following day with RELC buddies and  clubbing at night with another group of happening friends.. One whole week for myself and I enjoyed it pretty much, although at times I wish that J is around but I think that is pretty much impossible. Well.. went out today again for some shopping and didn't buy anything much.. but while doing my window shopping I realised that Singapore is a screwed up country haha.. Imagine.. Studying in Primary School, then moving on to Secondary School, followed by JC, NS then army.. How old am I now? How much longer can I stay young? It is kinda frustrating to know that we spend our prime years leading such a monotonous lifestyle and in the end when we really want to enjoy the "fruits of our labour", we are already 30 or even older.. Our youth is just wasted. I tried to talk to my aunt about it.. Well.. let's just say that she is another one who is already brainwashed by Singapore. Meanwhile.. I do have some plans.. But I'll do things slowly.. It's about time for me to have more control over my life. J, ha sometimes I do need a bit of listening ear. I do have some regrets but what's the point of talking about that? Haha it's already over isn't it? 今天的主题：灰 不是每一个问题都只有一个答案。不是每一件事都能分得出是非黑白。 从Westmall回来的路程，脑海里一直浮现出自己回答不出的问题。 好矛盾，好心烦。我，在一天之内，竟然毁了两年多的爱情。 有好多自己不能回答的问题。对太多事情有很大的期待。 家 家的定义是什么？只是吃得饱，睡得好吗？什么是爱？什么是关怀？在我们的能力范围里能够给的解释可能太过肤浅了。 在我的眼里，我从没认为我有一个我想要的家。其他人可能会说，为什么要那么悲观呢？其实还有很多生长在更不理想的家庭环境里。随你们怎么说吧。可能是我人心不足，过于要求太多。我，不能接受这种家庭。 我不想看到父亲亏欠任何一个人，可是都已经过了二十多年了，每一年仿佛是历史不断地在重演。老爸还是不争气，亲戚也还是看不起他。为什么他要沦落到这个地步呢？想必只有他知吧。以他这种得过且过的心态来过他的生活，身为儿子的我，也真得看不下去了。活到了一大把年纪，却连一分钱也不会收好，得到的钱一定要直接花完。我和妹妹也都遗传到了这个坏毛病。是该死。 家里的两个姑姑，也因为知道她们的弟弟没有能力亲手带大自己的两个孩子，才浪费了将近整个人生，非常努力的栽培我们两。最后她们得到的是什么？还不只是我们的叛逆想法与批评。如果真的想说好心没好报，那以我们兄妹俩来做例子可是最好不过了。 第四位姑姑其实并没恶意，但是曾服过军的她，個性也稍微固执些。她的脾气也可以说是家中最大的，只要是她有任何不满，即使是芝麻绿豆之事都能惹祸她。妹妹也因为常发小脾气而跟她起了不少冲突。 第三位姑姑的烹饪技术可说是了不起，也可以说是我们的一家之“煮”。虽然她小时候得了小儿麻痹症，但是这并难不倒她-当我还小的时候她还会追着打我。她的性格处于不暴躁但也并不温顺。她只不过是不会注重我和妹妹的个人隐私，常常会为了一些私人的事而想尽办法追根究底。常常搞到局面变得非常的尴尬。 我的妹妹还小，所以我很希望她能够快点懂事。我没把她教好而之顾自己，所以她越变越叛逆。如果有一天我们全部都不在了，那她该怎么办？ 最后的就是婆婆了。自从她跌倒了入院一直到她得了老人痴呆症，就常惹两位姑姑生气。也因为常被骂而开始对每件事感到麻木，置之不理了。 当我提起他们时，并不怎么会感到心酸。因为我也开始，慢慢地对家里的事而感到麻木了。家里常常传出吵闹声- 三姑与婆婆，四姑与爸爸等等。为了什么而吵呢？非得把彼此的关系闹僵了才心满意足吗？ 爱人 跟他在一起也超过两年了，和他在一起非常开心。但是我认为，我们俩并还没办法真正地去容忍对方的错误。他可说是我一生中依赖最多的人，也是唯一一个能够说服我这世上爱是不分性别的。如果现在有任何一个人读了这篇“文章”，也就该知道我二十多年想隐瞒的事了。他给我的鼓励与支持胜过与我所给他的，但是我还是不知足。他能为了我而尽量地去克服自己的惧高症，但是我什么也没做到。在他的二十一岁生日，反而是他的朋友花了更多的心思为他庆祝。我给他的只有过分的要求，时不时就伤他的自尊心，让他失去信心。我哪里有资格去爱一个人？我也累了，不想吵了。难道家里的“收音机”还开得不够大声吗？ 我比较适合一个人。我是说真的。爱可以说是不公平的，但是我觉得我是在利用他，所以也应该就此结束了。如果现在感到惭愧又有什么用呢？最后我能肯定的是，双方是没办法有好的结局。可能是我太早下的判断，但是我们也不能排除家长反对的可能性。他的妈妈比我还需要他。 这些事是不能有对或错的。所以在黑与白的交叉点，就是灰色。我想要离开他，并不是对的决定，但也不能说是错的。狗狗，想想看吧。这对我们来说是多一个负担。我好想抛开一切，什么也不管了，你可以说我是个窝囊废，我举双手赞同。对不起，我不敢说我爱你了。
Start with 21st May.. Went to the gym and stayed for an hour or so.. Didn't really do much though.. Later at night I went over to Chinatown for a job interview.. Wanted to work as a waiter but there are no vacancies.. Hmm.. it's almost a week since I had any replies from them.. So I guess they didn't want me at all in the first place.. I don't care about my grades anymore though I just want to earn money.. 22nd May Went to collect our goodies bag at Millenia Walk for the Adidas Sundown Marathon.. Quite a big crowd when we (Ben and I) reached. After that it was lunch at Burger King and ARCADE TIME.. didn't spend much.. only 5 bucks.. just let us be kids once in a while k?   Went for a swim in the afternoon.. Then went to prep for Sharm's birthday.. still can't get her full name right it's pretty paisey.. Now in one of my unglam moments.. Nice shirt and shorts..  This is the authenic Chong family popiah.. it's nice and I love it.. haha.. better to have a little bit of food in the stomach before drinking right?  Wanted to take a picture of Zouk but it's too dark.. I like the UV lightings but the place gets a bit ugly once everyone was drunk.. You can see people puking everywhere and vulgarities replaced normal conversations.. very ugly sight.. i was pretty drunk too.. went to hug another guy and couldn't stand straight.. the birthday girl.. well.. she K.O -ed.. totally.. very unglam for her as well..  23rd May Another bdae celebration! Had to attend a briefing for a job at Bukit View Sec.. So I was pretty late when I got to East Coast Park.. Went to eat at Sakura! haha the portions were so big.. After that we headed over to play cards at Burger King.. too bad the pics were not released yet.. They describe things far much better than I do.. 24th May Tuition and Run.. The run was scary cos Ben had a cyborg friend.. It's a compliment actually cos she's really really fast.. Ever heard of Sonic the Hedgehog? Yup.. let me introduce u to Angie the female hedgehog.. I was sweating so much my shorts were wet for the first time and she still had so much driving force in her.. 25th May Gym.. and dinner with Junxian.. Nothing much happened too.. We came across some pasar malam stalls at Batok and he wanted to try out the mini games.. In the end he gave up (Looks kinda disappointed though) and so that's all haha..
 Threw all my stuff on my bed.. Already removed the bedsheets cause it was pretty dirty..  Filled with rubbish.. Quite unsightly..  I had this kitty bank for 2 yrs and I think he's always hungry.. When I found him yesterday he was wearing the DUST season sweater..  Coins barely reached his toes.. I mistreated and starved my cat..  I came upon this diary entries made when I was in the army.. A must-keep for me to remember the horrible days in SAF..  A $2 throwing star.. Huifen made it when we were in JC.. I still think it's an art and can't bear to use it..  Gifts from Jingying and Peggy when they went to Bangkok..  Hand-made star by Peggy.. Still keeping it cause it's kinda sweet.. I was reminiscing on the past haha..  I realised that I'm quite a shopaholic.. These GBA games.. I think they cost at least $40 each... so i wasted $200!! That's alot!  I couldn't bear to throw this box away.. But I've decided to keep my desk clean and sacrificed this damn nice pic..  Sonic The Hedgehog Gamebook!! I had it since K1.. loved the game..
 The "I'm Not Gonna Shower" Face  The Bucket Of Doom  Suds of Despair  Brush of A Thousand Spikes  The Unwillingness  A Fight To The Death For Cat's Honor And Glory  Submission and left to dry..
Monday monday monday.. Had tuition! And it's just like that.. I think I went to the gym as well.. and of all things i went to become an action babi. I lifted weights ( light ones ) and the urge to become a hunk was so great that I went to the extent of spraining my arms. Hell that's painful and it's not recovering yet. Some of the pictures I took at my tuition kid's place. Their dog might actually be a guy in disguise.   Tuesday! Lame family gathering minus 2 important female leads. Huifen, Zhiai, where are you? I decided to don my most metro clothes and meet them haha. We went to "the Pasta shop" at wheelock and it's pretty ok. There weren't any people when we went in. We were sort of like "Zhao Chai Mao" cos the place was full of life moments after we placed our order.           This picture seemed abit out of place. It was just a random picture of someone ( name starting with S) showing her cleavage and Peggy just took it. I really don't know how to describe it.. Hmm.. Artistic?   It was funny actually when 3 out of 5 in the lame family were wearing stuff bought from Bangkok at THE SAME TIME! The only thing I didn't like about this gathering was the duration! Too short! Haha.. next outing please?
We were almost late for the flight and we didn't realise that we were the last few to board the plane. The three of us then panicked and rushed to the plane. While running towards the plane we met a police guard. I won't mention the names but there were two girls whose hearts momentarily stopped when that cute guard reassured them to stop running and safety comes first. Day 1  The weather's turning out fine while travelling to Bangkok..    In one of Bangkok's cab.. taxi is relatively cheap. Grand Diamond Suites We arrived at the hotel at noon and it wasn't that bad. The good thing was that it was located in the middle of the city with lots of shopping malls!       KFC All of us were pretty hungry after the flight.. and the first stop is KFC! It may seem a little bit odd but the standard of KFC was better over there. Ever seen them serving chicken in plates and cutlery in Singapore?    Black Canyon Coffee Bangkok's Black Canyon Coffee = Singapore's Starbucks.. You can find them almost everywhere and the drinks tasted almost as good as Starbucks.     Night time in Bangkok.. relatively noisy and bustling with activity..   Went to 7-11 and came upon these drinks.. We were so intrigued by the design so we decided to buy them. Packaging was interesting but the taste was far from awesome. Patpong Night market The gals' bargaining skills were put to the test as they pit themselves against the store owners. Jingying won 2-0 with cuff links and polo tees while Serene came to a draw. She was about to buy her cap but the police came and closed the night market.   Patpong Bar As the saying goes. "The reason for resting is to prepare to travel for a longer journey" So we went to this bar, ordered a few drinks, rested our aching feet and was planning to hunt for better bargains later on . The waitress couldn't understand English and she mixed the order of our drinks. I got Serene's drink, Serene with Jing ying's and Jing ying's with mine..   Start of the riot The police came and closed down the whole night market. They also started confiscating all the fake goods. All of a sudden there was this gunshot from outside and everyone screamed. The performers at the stage laughed and told everyone that it was not uncommon for such things to happen. All of us squatted down when the gun was fired and Jing ying got a large bruise because we pulled her down. In the end the people were unhappy with the cops for taking too much of their goods and a riot started. In the end they won. Needless to say we now know the capabilities of BKK police.   Patpong Cafe After the gun shot we decided to find some place to eat and get rid of the hunger pangs. The riots continued as we were eating but we didn't really care. The food was moderate except for the prawns. After that we heard a few more gun shots but the drinks at the bar had already numbed our senses so we just continued eating.        Day 2 Another day of shopping madness began and we made our way to Bangkok's paragon.  Siam Paragon Intuition led us to Piri Piri Chicken Restaurant. Initially i thought it was the same as the one found in Malaysia (The chicken was good) but the name was Peri Peri Chicken. So why not give it a chance?     iberry The best way to end a full lunch was dessert! But mango sorbet was a little too sour for me to handle. Serene tried to take some pictures but she was stopped by the staff. We didn't really care much and continued to pose in front of the shop.     Mah Boon Krong It was super warm there and by the time we reached MBK we were sweating like pigs, cute pigs. Shopping doesn't seem as enjoyable over there because Platinum mall seemed so much better. MBK was slightly more expensive as well.   Bangkok Mass Rapid Transit At first we wanted to go Khao San but one taxi uncle told us that it was closed because the following day was Vesak Day and chased us out of the car. In the end it turned out that he didn't want to drive us there because there was a freaking big traffic jam. Taxi meters in Bangkok go by distance and not waiting time so they were not so willing to send us there. It's ok there's the MRT! After the train ride we took the Tutu cab to Suan Lum night bazaar.   Suan Lum Night Bazaar (Food Court) Suan Lum is almost the same as Newton Circus Food Centre but it's must cheaper. Before purchasing any food we need to buy coupons in order to use them at the food stalls. There is also a "ge tai" at the end of the food centre and the singing was er... okay. We shared another plate of Phad Thai noodles, sausages and sambal kang kong. Not that bad haha..   Suan Lum Night Bazaar In the midst of shopping we came across a shop that belongs to an artist. He made Doraemon looked so murderous and evil haha.. His drawings are cute and unique as well.        Suan Lum Bar Suan Lum is a combination of Newton and Holland V. There were quite a few restaurants and pubs. We decided to go to this bar and Serene was freaked out by the black cat.      Hotel Room Everyone's energy was sapped after a day of money spending. For no reason Serene still managed to make an effort to do her nails. The hidden power of a narcissist.  Day 3 Platinum Mall (Mister Donuts) Serene decided to go for her massage. So Jing ying and I decided to try out their donuts. It's quite nice but too bad that Serene had no chance to indulge in such sinful pleasures.     Platinum Mall We decided to shop in Platinum Mall for the last time. We bought some stuff and bid farewell to this shoppers' paradise.  Chinatown Our next stop was Chinatown. Jing ying recommended trying the bird's nest as it was nice and cheap. Cheap was enough to get us going. The fried rice was so good and it tasted better than most of the stalls in Singapore. The mutton fried noodles did not lose out to its fried rice counterpart as it had its own unique taste. The main attraction of this meal was of course the bird's nest!~~         Chinatown (Lin Zhen Xiang) It was serendipity that brought us to this shop. Jing ying was on the verge of giving up finding this store and she was really excited when she saw it. Serene and I just watched as she activated "auntie mode" and bought alot of snacks.   Khao San We were told to go Khao San at night but we already had plans so we decided to check it out anyway. It was a well known place for backpackers and there were alot of ang mohs over there. We walked around until evening and chilled out at one cafe. The ice cream served was melting so it was kind of disappointing.   Clubbing Silom (Preparations) We went back to the hotel and prepared for a sleepless night. It was clubbing day for us! Dressing up for clubbing was fun and the anticipation of getting high over at the dance floor was too much for me to bear.     Silom (Derby King) This cafe was located right beside the pasar malam at Patpong. We ordered 2 plates of beef guo tiao and 1 plate of chicken guo tiao. The waiter was confused when our dishes arrived and he took a fork and dug out the meat to check if it was chicken or beef.    Silom (D.J Station) My friend brought us over to this club and entrance fee was only 200 baht. (~S$9) It was a gay club but the gals met some weird old man staring at them. Maybe he was only drunk but he went away after the gals dragged me and used me as a shield. Music was nice and loud but we didn't stay for long. We went to the bar right beside the club, sat down, ordered our drinks and chat.        Grand Diamond Suites (4am) After clubbing it was really hard to sleep and the 3 of us were super hungry. Room service was available 24 hrs and we ordered a lot! Pigging out was really fun for me, and i could say the same for them.     Day 4 (Last Day) Grand Diamond Suite After that heavy supper it was already close to 5am and we had to check out by noon. Not enough sleep but I guess the last day of shopping was good motivation. The mess we created was revenge for waking us up at 9am.    Siam Square Last stop for the day and attempts were made to shop for clothes but it was futile for me. The gals managed to grab some stuff but they still don't think it was enough.        Siam Square (Hong Kong Cafe) Decided to try out the dim sum so we ordered some. Maybe because the tiredness is growing inside me and the food didn't appeal to me. I felt that the milk tea was too sweet so i ended up drinking Jing ying's mango shake.           Back At Siam Square We continued shopping and Serene came across a feather duster and decided to do some pose. The lady boss was staring at us in one corner, maybe she thought that we were going to steal it.   Siam Square (Milk Plus) Last dessert shop of the day. Serene didn't like her blueberry blended. Jing ying and I were okay with ours. The Pokki sticks lookalike were too sweet for our taste so we didn't finish all.       Airport We went back to the hotel to collect our luggage and took the cab to the airport. I had mixed feelings when it all came to an end. The fun we had 1) Serene's unique way of brushing her teeth and telling lame jokes. 2) Bitching and gossiping about stuff in the middle of the night. 3) No obligations to do anything except stuff that we like. 4) Admiring the spoils obtained in the battles of shopping. And the ones that we love and miss in Singapore. The friends, family and close ones.      Maybe it's only me. But i enjoyed the trip and I don't mind coming back again. FIN
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